I am spending my child support on dildos
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
