Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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