Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
