The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize