oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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