he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
