Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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