He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
