i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
