Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
