I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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