If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
