her vagine was all disorganized.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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