The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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