Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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