I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
