I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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