Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize