Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
