Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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