Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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