Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
