Where is the hickey?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
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