I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
