My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
MIDGETS
????
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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