Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
