I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize