Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
