I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
