i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
