Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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