there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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