Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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