obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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