why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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