how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
