I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
