What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
