You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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