Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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