Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
