easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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