i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
