The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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