he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
