I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im six kinds of drunk right now
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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