He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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