Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
