Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
