I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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