I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
