dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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