I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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