So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
