Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
