I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's blow job season.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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