Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
