I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
