I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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