Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
