u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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