you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
