Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize