I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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