I'm eating all of the evidence.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
