He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
