Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
