i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize