talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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