(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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