Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
