sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
