I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
