quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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