Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
