Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This is the high leading the old right now
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
