: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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