My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
