I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
