Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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