Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
