Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
