p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
