I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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