It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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