I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What a dumb baby whore.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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