Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
