how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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