I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
