Dual....:-)
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
