I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
